COBRA TRIANGLE – NES – Actually Playing the Game Now!

We’ve had the Pre Game, now on to: GAMING THE GAME

They’re boat’n through your ocean, snatching your people up,
tryin’ to steal’em
so you better

hide your kids
hide your wife
hide your kids
hide your wife

and hide your motorboat
cause they’re stealin’ everybody out here…

– my wife, singing about Cobra Triangle
inspired by the classic: Bed Intruder Song

Wow, I had completely forgotten that this thing is fundamentally a racing game.

With that shock over, I quickly started shooting all of my motorboat enemies… though I’m not sure why we’re enemies… and why do they get shore-based weapons? It’s no matter as dispose of a few of them.

Right, I have a health bar. OOO powerups! It damages my body to run into the shore, makes sense, and I’m done the first level. That was pretty easy.

And this is the part that I’m really sad about forgetting: to get to the next level, my body sprouts a helicopter rotor and flies away! A HELICOPTER ROTOR! Dude, let’s just use that thing for the whole “race”!

So, are you trying?
– my wife commenting as I die for the seemingly 100th time while failing to prevent the enemy from making of with 8 helpless swimmers

In my first real attempt, I didn’t get very far. The first level is easy, then it’s kind of a bonus powerup level (that may be unlocked by performance, I’ll have to look that up), then it’s a damn guarding level. 8 helpless, drowning, terrified looking ‘people’ are arranged in a diamond with me at the centre to protect them. It’s horrifying! Enemy boats come and DRAG THE PEOPLE AWAY! … and the boats have UFOs!?! What in the blue hell is going on here?!?!?

And that’s as far as I got. I’m sorry that couldn’t protect you random, identical people… *single tear*

Look at this poor guy… THIS GAME IS DELIGHTING IN OUR TERROR

We now know fear.

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The RetroN 3 can suck an egg – PARTIALLY RETRACTED

Ok, so I started a post about how much I hate the Retron 3, but before I wrote the whole potato I decided to try a few other game/ NES controller combinations to see if it was entirely the hardware’s fault. It’s good that I did, because it turns out that at least part of the issue is the NES controller I was using – apparently it used to work, but doesn’t work well anymore/ doesn’t work well with the Retron 3/ past James somehow doesn’t even live up to even the low-bar of competency that we have set for him in relation to learning to plug things into other things.

At any rate, the damn thing is functional (I played 2 mins of Castlevania and Double Dragon II last night), though I still can’t get it working with Cobra Triangle, which, of course, was going to be the subject of my “first” post.

First world problems abound.

SO, even though the not-working is at least partially my fault, I’m going to leave the ‘go suck an egg’ video that I had planned on posting.

Enjoy 🙂

Original-post-that-I-edited-into-this-post here:

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Sucking an egg is something that sucky things can go do, right?